So many think of me a strong woman. And on most days I am asking myself,
“Who the hell am I pretending to?” I feel so weak and low, vulnerable and broke, pained and cracked. And yet, I know of people who call me strong, while all the time in my head, I so am not.
And then I pause and think. Well, wait. If even after feeling so trashed, I come about as a strong woman, I perhaps could be one.
Today, I begin the journey of the month leading me another year older. I want the 31 year old me to know that all the crying over mistakes made, does not make me any less strong. Strong is she who showed the guts to go ahead and give it a try even when she knew things always have the chance to mess up. Strong is she who in pain, keeps the sparkle in her eye alive. Strong is she who shows the courage to face her fears. And still strong is she who hid and rose up a few days later. Strong is she who risked starting a career after a 14 year long break. Strong is she who fails and learns, learns and fails every new day. Strong is every woman out there who fight their own battles to follow her heart.
Strong is my mum whose sacrifice won my dad the position he has in his society today. Strong is my sister who doesn’t let the world know what an emotional havoc she is. Strong is my aunt who shivered in the fear of the cancer that took over her body and still keeps a smile as she rubs her bald head. Strong is my little cousin who can’t stop tears running down over a broken engagement and still dances to loud music. Strong is my paternal laughing aunt who fought till her last breath with happiness. Another who held the title of the Municipal Chairperson in a man’s political world. Strong is my friend who never lets go of the hope of a tomorrow in the midst of a financial mess. In some way or so many, we are so much stronger than we know or imagine to be.
On days I feel otherwise, let me remind myself, If you follow your heart, make tragic mistakes and still show the courage to keep going.
Girl, you are strong.